Tainted
by LittleSable
Summary: AU Seven years after NJO Jaina goes to the Dark Side. That’s all you need to know. If you have not read The Unifying Force do not read! Major spoilers! R


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. Otherwise my life would probably be quite interesting.

A/N: I got this story from a really weird dream...Oh, well seven years after NJO Jaina goes DS that's all you need to know. If you have **_not_** read The Unifying Force do **_not_** read! Major spoilers! Well, I know there is one at least. This story can probably be safely considered AU. It will probably just be a one-shot too unless I am overflowed with reviews to continue. Oh, well, on with the story! Enjoy!

Life is fragile. That's a lesson that is hard to learn. The body upon funeral pyre was engulfed in flames. That body slowly became ash taking away the last remnants of the man she knew and loved. It was impossible it seemed. He could not be dead. Connected since birth—sharing a bond that could not be broken. She had tried to break it. She had desperately tried. 

They thought she was dead too. Jaina was actually beginning to think she was. How could she exist without her twin? She saw her mother's tears. Leia clung tightly to her husband as she gazed at Jacen's body. Jaina pulled her cloak more tightly around her. She could not be recognized. It was best if she could just disappear.

How could she do this to her family? She went dark that explained it. No matter what Uncle Luke had taught her she could never come back. She could not face her sins. She had killed her own brother. Jaina had to have died with him. 

In battle she had no clear sense of being. She wanted revenge. She wanted death. She wanted power and control. And Jacen stood in her way. She thought she could dispose of him appropriately. He had tried to save her in the end, but Jaina knew there was nothing left to save. 

Jagged Fel sat by Jaina's mother. He stared solemnly at the pyre probably wondering what happened to her body and why it could not be retrieved, but the Jedi confirmed her to be dead. She saw tears trace down his cheeks. A few tears fell from Jaina's eyes as well. She had once wondered what it would be like to attend her own funeral—it was exactly how she thought it would be. That was a bad thing in her opinion. Jaina Solo Fel should not be honored after what she had done.

But what should she do now? She looked toward the fire that had engulfed Jacen's body. _He would want me to tell them wouldn't he? But I can't I've already messed up bad enough._ Jaina placed a hand on her stomach. She remembered what Uncle Luke told her about why she and her brothers were hidden away as children. He had said the darkside could warp an infant's mind and do other damage that could deeply scar it. What had she done? Less than a week ago she'd turned and only yesterday after her fateful battle had she discovered she was pregnant. 

Could she really give up all she had worked so hard for? Her status, her family, her husband...She already had. The second she decided dark over light—but that was a lie again wasn't it? 

"Come back?" She scoffed. "And, Jacen, I thought you said there was no darkside." Her dark cloak billowed about her.

"Jaina, what's happened to you?" Jacen stood next to the edge of the cliff a lava pit looming ten meters below.

"Truth, Jacen. I realized something. You were right. There is no darkside. I know power now. I can stop it all—change it all..."

"You're letting your emotions take control of you. 'There is no emotion; there is peace.'"

She only laughed at this. "You don't get it. We can do nothing. If we have power—if we have control we can make things better, don't you get it?"

"I feel your hate. Your lust for revenge."

Jaina smiled. "So I can pick up some bonuses on the way..."

"That's not funny Jay."

"Well, you used to be full of bad jokes, didn't you?" She turned from him and walked along the edge of the cliff. "Ever think of peace, Jacen? True peace—not the mock up of it that the bureaucracy seems to give us."

"I've thought of peace—yes. Control—no. The people have a better chance a getting what they want this way."

"You mean politicians."

"You are talking about people like mom."

"Jacen, yes there are a few people who do fight for peace in the galaxy, but the only reason she is accredited was because of the fighting she did in the Rebellion. Just think what if Vader had survived—he and Uncle Luke really could have turned the Empire around..."

"Jaina, listen to yourself! The Empire slaughtered millions of innocents how can you condone such action?"

She turned back toward him. Fire in her eyes. "I condone it because we all have to look after ourselves. I learned that during the war. I learned to be without you—I learned to be without family. I want payment. I suffered enough. I fought for the billions who wouldn't—who were too scared, too self-absorbed to care about the welfare of others. What did I really do during the war, Jacen? You're the one who stopped it all. You denied all help. I realize now that I threw my life out there for nothing. In one hundred years who will remember the name Jaina Fel? I will make them remember—I will make them pay."

Jacen's pity for her was evident in his eyes. Jaina knew she had struck a cord in him. He had denied her when she offered to help him confront the real Supreme Overlord, Onimi. But he would ultimately realize there was more to this.

"Listen, Jedi, if you will not help me the Jaina you know will be truly dead." 

"If I turned dark then Jaina would have no chance." Moments of silence past on between them. What more could be said? "You can't do this. You can't just abandon us like this. We need you."

"The Jedi need all the help they can get." She looked down at her feet. Her boot formed a circle in the dirt. "They can never handle it all, Jacen, you have to understand that."

"You've never been comfortable when a situation is out of your hands, have you? So you just decide to take over the galaxy to solve your problems. I think this galaxy knows it has seen too many oppressive tyrants." 

"I think you forgot the revenge part." Jaina's smile was icy. 

"What about Jag?" She froze her eyes uncertain. What about him? They had only married four months ago. She loved him yes, but she could do without him, couldn't she? She didn't want to contemplate the thought. Her mind and heart were at war with one another. She no longer faced Jacen. "That's what I thought." The darkness within her won out.

She lunged at Jacen her lightsaber blazing. The brilliant red blade Jaina held drove toward Jacen's neck. He parried with his own green-bladed lightsaber. "Jaina, don't do this."

"Getting scared, little Jedi?"

Jacen no longer recognized that voice as Jaina's, but Jaina knew he had not given up on her. She pulled her blade back swinging toward Jacen's left flank. He parried the blow easily. This only broadened Jaina's smile. She assailed him with a series of elegant lightsaber strokes. He stayed on the defensive not daring to strike back at her. She raised her blade high and angled the blow toward his heart. Jaina knew he could not defend himself against the blow. The only way he could stop her would be to harm her, and she knew he would not do that. 

His foot connected with her collarbone. She flew back landing hard on the cliff's rocky surface; Jacen dropped to the ground stretching out his hand to cushion his fall. The red blade still drove down toward him. He lay on his back his lightsaber held above him. He knocked Jaina's blade aside it falling down and over the cliff. Jaina quickly recovered herself. Her breath was hard and ragged, but she still managed to laugh. "I feel your hate."

"Don't do this to yourself. You still have a chance." He clipped his lightsaber back to his belt. 

The smile was gone, but her amusement was evident in her eyes. "Help me, Jacen. We can do this together. We can do what was always meant for us. It is us who decide the fate of the galaxy. Our parents have made that evident. Why not make it fit for ourselves?"

"I am a servant of the light."

"If there is no dark how can there be light?" Her voice was taunting he did not want to play her game.

"I serve the Force, not myself."

Jaina began to circle him. "You did not answer my question. What can we really define as 'light'? I know of many Jedi who work for the 'light', but only serve themselves. What does the Force really want for us?"

"I don't know." She stopped in front of him. 

"Jacen, come with me, and all shall be revealed. The secrets of the Jedi, the Sith, all you want to know about the Force."

"No."

"Isn't that what you have craved for so long, Jacen? Can you really give that up?"

"Keep your secrets."

"Are they somehow tainted? I thought there was no darkness."

"Only emotion. Your secrets that you hold—they are tainted with dark emotion. I can feel it."

Jacen felt a hand on his shoulder. He met Jaina's eyes. He saw none of the dark emotions he felt from her. "Please, Jacen, your all I have now." 

He backed away. "I am sorry." She dived for his lightsaber. She struggled for the weapon that was still clipped to his belt. Jaina delivered several blows to his chest as she grabbed for the lightsaber. He haphazardously tried to fend her off. He tried to use the Force to push her off him, but she had the Force on her side as well. The lightsaber's blade activated— 

—While it was still clipped to his belt. He was able to push her off him and gain control of the weapon. He had pushed her off him—and she had tumbled right over the cliff. "Jaina!" He dove for the cliff's edge hearing her startled scream. She hung there half a meter below him clinging to the rock. Jacen levered himself over the edge. He immediately felt the lava's heat. He called out to her. "Grab my hand." 

Terror radiated through Jaina's face. She stretched out desperately toward him. He grabbed her hand hauling her up. What he did not know was she had reclaimed her lightsaber from the ledge below. "Jace, I am so, sorry." She concealed her emotions well. He enveloped her in a tight hug. He felt her tears soak through his shirt. "Can you ever forgive me?" Jacen nodded. Only then did he feel the lightsaber that was placed against his side. He barely registered the pain when the blade ignited drilling into him. Only seconds later he was gone. 

What was left of Jaina Fel died with him.

She remembered the intense pain that followed that moment. Her tears had been real, then. Why did she accept those dark teachings? Why did she think she had to do it all? She could not go back. Jag, she knew, would not take her back. He couldn't. Yes, Uncle Luke was wrong. There was no way you could really turn back. 

There was no one she could turn to, now. She knew Kyp could not help her now. She was an adult. She had to take care off herself, however idiotic her choices might be. Jaina left Coruscant that day. She did not know what she would do or where she would go. She did not know if she had harmed her child by turning down the dark path. She did not know if she ever completely turn back.


End file.
